this is what refusing to take responsibility and accountability gets you.

i want to make it clear- my sister and mom are not even in my contacts and i have absolutely NO plans in changing that. my sister is basically guilt by association and she just digs herself deeper holes (like for example- when she went out of her way to friend my ex-boyfriend on facebook (we were going out then) and she meant to threaten him but he hit on her).. she shouldn't have even fuckin spoke to him in the first place, she brought it on herself then and how she figures she can just back my mom because she assumes i have a nice relationship with my mom- which couldn't be further from the truth.. she picked the wrong horse to back but she can't really be picky considering she has the intelligence of a cavewoman because she doesn't have education to back her "intelligence"- she has what.. an eighth grade education? i'm not even sure she made it that far before getting knocked up and dropping out. i'm not pussyfooting around with this one.. everyone pussyfooted around my mom and the destination for her is a nursing home which she better hopes doesn't mistreat their clients. i highly doubt my brother will stop her from being put in a nursing home and she shouldn't even ask me because i'm not condoning her abuse towards me and ruining MY future for some selfish bum. it'd probably mean a little more if i had empathy but if my family can't have empathy for me- WHY THE HELL SHOULD I HAVE ANY FOR THEM?! find some other relative willing to put up with your bullshit. good luck. go get screwed with my ho sister. she has absolutely NOTHING in common with me besides our last names. same with my mom. i'm not lowering my potential and/or ability just to make some selfish bums of family members happy. i've worked too hard to get where i am and i KNOW they wouldn't help me if the shoe were on the other foot. the ONLY reason why my mom helped take care of me when i was in a wheelchair was because MY GRANDMA MADE HER. i remember overhearing phone conversations that my mom had with my grandma, whining how she wanted to go out with her little boyfriend carlos and play pool but she had to stay home with me because i was in a wheelchair at that time. the fact that my relatives read my blog and intentionally ignore this says enough about their LACK of care for ME. joe is the ONLY relative who checks on me and talks to me- he even checked on me the last time i was in the hospital and having surgery as a result of my narcissistic mother fighting with my dad when i was younger and I was INTENTIONALLY put in the middle of the fight by my loving MOM when i was used as a shield while he was kicking her and she nanchalantly put me in front of her trying to tell him he should calm down since i was there (she didn't ACTUALLY care because if she did- she'd would've been trying to do EVERYTHING possible to remove me from that situation). SO GO TELL SOMEONE WHO CARES, MOM. haven't you done ENOUGH to me? i honestly think you inspired me to run away and nearly get killed in a car accident that i was in. she doesn't help me with ANYTHING (because my grandma isn't alive to threaten her anymore). you think grandma was bad, mom? you haven't seen anything yet. i realize that YOU are supposed to be MY parent.. NOT the other way around. seeing as you're not able to provide me with any parental wisdom.. EVERYTHING you do DOES NOT mean a damn thing to me. people can say i'm all talk but WE'LL SEE, MOMMY *ROLLS EYES*. AMANDA SEEMS TO BE MORE CONCERNED WITH YOU THAN ME.. THAT'S WHY SHE REFUSES TO HELP ME- GO SEE HOW AMANDA WILL HELP YOU! "YOU GOT THIS!"
i was just thinking and i wonder HOW in the hell my mom thinks ANYONE got ANYTHING?! just luck that they LUCKILY stumbled on jobs and finances?! because she acts as if people should just give her things. things like respect, love, housing, and whatever else she wants because.. why?! BECAUSE SHE'S TRACY! OF COURSE! like i said before- she's never been forced to take accountability or actually work in her life (she DID work a little helping my grandma's sister on her farm a long time ago but i've honestly never seen her do anything else because SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO!). it irritates me because she assumes that i have the same forms of support as she does- so she tries to drag me down to her level. if i didn't care about my mom- i wouldn't even be bringing this up but unfortunately- i AM aware that i have my own life and i can't afford to be a mommy image to my own damn mom. grow the fuck up. like i said- I'M NOT PUSSYFOOTING AROUND. ESPECIALLY NOT FOR A CARELESS ASSHOLE WHO THINKS THEY CAN FUCK EVERYTHING I'VE BUSTED MY ASS TO GET. my grandma created this monster, she should've made sure it stayed in it's fuckin cage.